I’m Not the Man I Wish I Was

If you stop to think about it this statement is highly suspect…it’s like the Wind-Chill factor the meteorologists are so fond of.  “The wind makes you feel like the temperature is 12 below zero…if there were no wind!“  “I’d be a better person…if I were a better person!”

Anyway, in the past two weeks I’ve had a variety of failures, mostly linked to a bad mood-swing, which left me wondering how I became the person I am.  Who is not exactly the role model we all had when we were kids.

No one grows up with a nebbish for a hero, and when you grow up to become one, you wonder where it all went wrong – where’s that astronaut I was going to be?  When I was 8, I thought “It’ll be great when I grow up and all my problems will be over.”  What a little schmuck.

I don’t know if people can really change…can the nebbish become the astronaut?  It seems unlikely in my case.  The basic elements of my personality were shaped in childhood, and although I have made many tries, I have been unable to overcome many of them.  My mother once asked me if I thought she was to blame for my personal problems, and I kindly lied to her and said ‘no.’

So here I am left on the road to personal acceptance.  This is who I am, and who I will be, barring unforeseen circumstances.  I don’t admire myself much, but maybe admiration is a waste of time, and we should all just get on with things the best we can.  In my life story, at least, I’ll always be the protagonist, but never the hero.

Today in American Failure – December 29

1890 – United States soldiers kill more than 200 Oglala Lakota men, women, and children with 4 Hotchkiss guns in the Wounded Knee Massacre. (wikipedia)

“The American public’s reaction to the battle at the time was generally favorable.”

Another Christmas Miracle

Which is, of course, that we all got through it partially sane.  As an agnostic party-pooper, the American Failure will put this holiday season in his Success pile and put it behind him.  Many cookies were made, much egg-nogg was dedrunkt, and much sleeping in was sleept.

One failure that we have to look out for is basing our opinion of Christmas on how we see people acting in our nation’s fine retail outlets.  Although everyone appears to be miserable, that doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying themselves.  And just because the holiday celebrates the birth of a possibly fictitious character born 2008 years ago, and is not anywhere near this person’s actual birthdate, and was blatantly ripped off from pagan holidays, and manages to embrace so much that is the very antithesis of what that man supposedly stood for, that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually sacred.

Yep.

So get on with your lives and try not to over-think it.

A New AF Soul-Mate

http://futility.typepad.com/futility/

UNREMITTING FAILURE

Pointless Expostulations on the Utter Futility of Everything

Why do some learn from failure, while others give up?

Stanford Psychology professor Carol Dweck’s new book, The Effort Effect, explores why some people are motivated by failure, while others are defeated.

Link

Twyla Tharp on Creativity, Failure, and Money

http://www.kungfugrippe.com/post/59133530/twyla-tharp-on-the-subject-of-motivation-and

The Lazy Man’s Guide to Getting Things Done

http://zenhabits.net/2008/11/the-lazy-mans-guide-to-getting-things-done/

I don’t want this blog to turn into a self-help resource, but admitting one is lazy might be the first step towards self-acceptance.  But don’t wear yourselves out.

Malcolm Gladwell on Success

Outliers: The Story of Success

Congratulations to President-Elect Obama

I honestly never thought I would see an African-American president in my lifetime – thanks for surprising me!

The news media are all over the idea of the first ‘Black’ president, but it just points out the idiocy of such distinctions in this day and age.  Obama’s father was an African, his mother an American of European stock…what does ‘Black’ mean anymore?  Black as compared to what?  The old ‘brown paper bag’ comparison?

Do we have a ‘hair-nappiness’ scale we can compare people against? A ‘nose-width’ caliper?

What people usually mean is: ‘Blacker than me.’

Personally, the American Failure editorial staff recognizes Mr. Obama as the product of US society, US education, and US politics.  Best wishes to all of us, here together.

Don’t Worry Everybody…

I have successfully flown my stunt kite many times since that original post.  Anyway, this blog is about separating real failure from imagined failure, and that post was about a failure of inner peace, rather than kite flying.

People occasionally write to me and tell to cheer up, things aren’t so bad.  They are missing the point.  The American Failure is about self-knowledge, and about self-appreciation.  The only time we fail in a way that matters, is when we fail to acknowledge our inherent equality with others.

The true message of this blog is: abandon self-delusion.