…which is not to say that I can’t do my job – I’m actually quite good at it. But work, as a lifestyle, eventually wears me down. In the past I have started out at each new job with optimism and pleasure. After a few years working in the same location, I am completely burnt out. I have no desire to go to work, when I’m there, have little desire to do anything but go home early. I am a bear of very little ambition.
When I took my current job, I had decided to finally ‘grow up’, settle down, and stop looking for the perfect job. All it would take, I thought, was an attitude adjustment and 150 mg of Effexor/day. I’d stay in my job and enjoy the fruits of stability, for a change. I would focus on my personal life (another area where I am kind of a failure, but that’s for another, longer, more irritating post.)
In the 90’s I took a brief stab at being self-employed, but I was completely unsuited. Not only am I bad employee, I am a terrible boss. I lacked the confidence and skills needed to carry it off. I eventually went on strike, and finally had to let myself go.
So I’m caught on the horns of dilemma, as they say. I have a job I no longer want, and no longer want any job. On the other hand, I do enjoy the benefits of having a job. I’m not sure whether I should take the plunge and do something incredibly out of character, or hunker down and stop whining.
In the mean-time, millions of people around the world are being tortured, starved, and dying from lack of drinking water. I hope none of them read this post, I would die from embarrassment.
37 comments
Comments feed for this article
February 7, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Joe
Nice, relativism on how others in the world clearly have it worse. You would have me pegged if you add the hypocrisy of fully believing and living faith but not being satisfied by life.
Some thoughts:
#1
For most people, what you do does not determine who you are. Good luck, I can’t get myself to believe this.
#2
I just don’t want the carrot that badly. In our society possessions are also status symbols. The car can make the man, where I always feel the man makes the car. If you don’t acknowledge the status the possession normally provides, you can often be chastised, as people do not like their status to be questioned. I don’t think I really value work because the material possessions that work provides can never be owned unless I continue to work.
February 15, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Rebecca
I don’t want to work either. I stumbled across this post when I was googling for a cure to work-life unhappiness and suceptibility to failure.
March 17, 2008 at 7:43 pm
BigFATfailure
My job has sucked the life out of me. In this line of work I have been the punching bag, the invisible employee and the scape goat and after 12 years of hard work all I got was this big fat feeling of failure.
Here’s to wishing I could be just be barefoot and pregnant………
June 5, 2008 at 3:36 am
carlos
trust me, i have it worse than you. i am a living failure. i cant even get myself motivated because its just not there. i dont even know how to do anything productive. every day i want to die, mainly because of the realization that living means having to put up with myself, who i cant stand anymore.
i am a total loser, so dont feel bad.
July 9, 2008 at 2:58 am
johnbunya
i also stumbled in this web page when searching on how to look on things when you begin to see failure in yourself at work. This feeling had strucked me twice now. Some see me as successful since I have a above minimum pay and not so bad title. But I had just let down my project, I lost the project that was supposed to be given to me. And my manager don’t consider everything that I exerted my effort into, he just saw the failure to produce output in just this last two weeks. He didn’t even consider the past good deeds. What happened is that I feel loosing confidence within myself. But I need to continue no matter what so that I could earn an income.
But guys, we should help ourselves see that we are not perfect. We can do something good but we can’t do everything. We just need to accept our limitations. And to be like child again, we have no alternative but to go in the school of life and learning.
July 18, 2008 at 8:14 pm
julia
Please indulge me. I feel so alone. I don’t fit in the world. I want to share my bio, hoping that someone will understand, relate, psychoanalize; whatever. You can skip it if you wish.
I was born to older parents, both PhD’s. I had learning “difficulties” that they could not deal with or understand. Somehow, I learned to deal with it and I now have three bachelor’s degrees. One of those is actually in nursing; I graduate 2nd in a large class. I hated nursing. I never felt competent. Everyone at work loved me because I wanted to be loved and liked, and I did everything I could to be accepted. This not only becomes tiresome to me, but all my wonderfulness, efficiency, and good food (I’d bring to work to share) becomes commonplace to others. I would drive to work hoping I would be killed in a crash. I made a medical mistake one night, and was so shaken by this, that I essentially never went back. I am married to a wonderful man, and have a beautiful 20 year old girl in college. I have had to put up a life-long facade so that she won’t turn out like me. We are now in debt because I am too scared, too anxious to go back to work. I have no marketable skills besides nursing, which I will never go back to, no matter what.
I was cursed since birth; I have never had a passion. I got this far by going through the motions, being a kept woman, and lucking out. When I work at the only thing available to me now (retail), I get bored and secretly resentful. And I’m too proud to do that now. That pride combined with my fear will have me living under a bridge someday.
Carlos, I suffer from depression (duh) and am/have been under treatment for years. I’d probably be an even bigger mess with out it. Have you shared your thoughts with a doctor?
BigFATfailure, that you put up with such crap for 12 years shows something about your character. Why didn’t you give up? What hidden strength do you have? I could never have endured that.
Am I alone?
July 29, 2008 at 12:46 am
Ceryn
I finally had the job of my dreams and was even given a position with added responsibility and increased pay. My problem?? I was careless. I tried too hard, did things too fast and made a load of mistakes. My boss still hired me and is a great person but I feel like every time I make an error I’m letting everyone down. I constantly feel sorry for myself and dread each day just knowing that a past mistake will bite me. Today I made a mistake that led to a co-worker (who’s covered for my mistakes so many times) calling me a ‘knuckle-head’. I’m beginning to think he’s right. I’m bombarded from all different directions and unable to concentrate on anything that I’m doing. I’m always on the verge of tears or want to snap someone’s head off. I put on a good front and people like me but sometimes I feel like such I’m not cut out for this dream job.
I know it’s wrong to be so self-pitying but my stomach gets into knots every night wondering how I’m going to screw up tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rant.
December 15, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Lira
I am an 18 year old living in a family. I never thought I would be the one who everyone counted on to be a “Great Success”. I never wanted that kind of attention. I was uncomfortable with the faith they all had in me. I often wondered of the consequences. I wanted to have a successful career in art. I wanted to go through college with flying stars. I wanted to be accomplished. However, I was never talented enough or smart enough. I felt like giving up all my life, to push myself over the brink and let it all go. I rebuked that resolve and kept trying, no matter how I felt.
People said I had mental illness, but it was just another obstacle being thrown at me. Every year, my dreams were dashed one by one. Bad Grades, emotional turmoil, the so called “anxiety disorders’, all pummeled me to no end. I felt worse than dirt for so many years, and worse I never could express myself in art or life. I thought I had it. How should I call myself something I’m not? Was was at work here? Was my desire not enough? I was working for something I never had. I felt so guilty.
Fear crawled into my hopes. If everyone else I knew was doing so well, what does that mean for me? It hurt a lot. I lost so much on the inside, I barely know myself anymore. So much for weakness for strengths. I was trapped in my family life, everyone I cared for were so far away. I was trapped in myself, pondering God’s purpose for me. Pondering what I was doing wrong. I had to move on somehow.
I had applied to an art college right after a harrowing last year in high school. By some miracle, I was accepted. I could scarcely believe it, I was one step closer to my goal. A few months beforehand, I started suffering mysterious memory blanks. Like an idiot, I shrugged them off. Not even a month into the semester I was far behind the students. Now the worst thing that could happen did indeed occur: College was a bust.
So I lay awake searching for the last hope I have, and whether it holds up to tomorrow. I have no money, no alternative resources. I had walked into another trap. What am I to try any more? I wished far too often, as if what I say could help. I was always alone, though I preferred it that way. I am reminded of the days where art was not just something you look at. It meant so much to me, and that’s why I never gave up. With it, I had a purpose. I’m not sure anymore. I felt I had more to give than circumstances permitted. I have nothing else to lose…even if no one cared. I can’t keep being an embarrassment, I’m too old to leave things be. But I’m also too old to give up before my life had started.
Quote: “However long the night, the dawn will break”
-Thank you
August 21, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Unemployed American
Well I survived 100 restructurings over 20 years and gave blood to my employer but if you miss the politics just once you’re done. Then you can watch an indian, chinese, or mexican do a miserable job of your old position for forty cents on the dollar or less. Young people don’t understand this.
September 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm
wendy
I’m sitting here at work plugging along and then I thought of the all-employee meeting we had yesterday where several groups of people were given leadership awards. I wasn’t one of them. I used to be one of them but then I figured out that it does absolutely no good to try hard – it gets me absolutely nowhere.
So then I Googled “i am a failure” – and found this! I love it! I totally feel the same way.
I come to work and all I want to do is leave early. Ha. What a miserable existence. I think most people feel this way secretly some of the time.
But, I’m stuck here because I’ve been brainwashed into thinking that I MUST have a job for the benefits and the paycheck. I swear to God that I brought home more money when I made half as much. Over half my frickin’ paycheck goes to taxes and insurance. What kind of crap is that?
It takes bravery to quit your job and do nothing or do something else. So, Julia, I congratulate you.
October 13, 2008 at 8:47 am
michael
…hey….at least you have income….the unemployed envy you who moan about your day jobs
October 13, 2008 at 8:59 pm
George
I am 50. I have failed completely 3 times.At various bussiness ventures. I have made lots of money, just to lose it again. Made it back ,lost it again. I am getting to old to bust my ass physically any more. My marriage of 27 years failed finally. I own a home.Free and clear.
I let my daughter and new husband live there while I was on the road for work. Now there is not even a place on the couch for me. They will never be able to buy the place. He is a worse failure than me. He is just too dumb to realize it.
I am an alcholic. In the old days that was OK. “A functioning alcholic”
That just used to be a hard drinking, hard working guy.
I also have creative ability”Failed at that too” I have written over 25 songs. I have preformed on stage and got standing ovations for them. I will never see a dime. You will never hear them on the radio.
I have reached high just to fall and get kicked in the teeth when I am down. I have had the gun loaded twice. I worried about the baggage
it would be for my kids.
Failures shouldn’t fall in love or breed.
There is one truth I have to offer.
It is the truth of a man who has truely lived, love, aspired, tried and truely
and completely failed. MORE THAN ONCE!!
The truth. There is no pay off in life, none.
Survival is the only power we have.
Live in the moment. Let ever second you breath be your success.
October 13, 2008 at 9:02 pm
George
desiderata – by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
October 16, 2008 at 11:56 am
Max
I fopund this website when I searched on “I am a failure”. I can only sympathise with all you guys because I can see some of my experiences in yours.
I fell victim to all the usual things: bad choices, bad advice, unfortunate events, dead-end jobs, broken promises (which cost me a start in business) etc
I don’t want to go to my grave with only regrets to look back on. I found some encouragement in the following words and maybe you will too.
Hang in there….
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint round the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
October 18, 2008 at 12:25 am
Jackie
I too found this site when I searched, ” I am a failure”. I’m 47 and have had several careers all of which I failed at. I recently got fired from a great paying job and was told I couldn’t remember what I was told and continued to make the same mistakes over and over. It gets to a body after a while. It almost feels as if you have a curse on you…that maybe God hates you. You lose confidence and then you lose all drive and motivation. I’ve become frozen in my tracks with trying to figure out what I want to do. I should have figured that out in my twenties. I’ve looked in many places to find an answer to the meaning of this life of mine… Christ, Eastern Philosophy, Horoscopes… you name it. In Christianity I found that God hates women, in Eastern Philosophy I found there are no absolutes and in Horoscopes I found what I wanted to hear and not necessarily what is true.
I don’t know the meaning of purpose. I stare alot. I sleep alot. Like the song says, “I tired of living and scared of dying”
October 31, 2008 at 11:58 am
To work or not to work « Failures - exposed, reflected upon, considered
[...] and other inherent benefits of having a job, do not get satisfaction. As one such person confessed (back in November 2007) – he knew full well that there are many who starve and die every day – he [...]
November 25, 2008 at 2:07 pm
G.P.
I feel like I know you all so well!! I am 50 years old very soon and have worked very hard all of my life, got a great marriage, 2 great sons, own my own house all because of hard work
But strange…..the last 7 years I have experienced nothing but failure in everything I do, no matter what I touch it just crumbles in my hand. I have had so many jobs over the last 7 years and two failed attempts at my own business.
Just cant figure out where I am going wrong all of the time! Every time I stand up I get knocked down again by failure, and I have wished many times that I could just quietly pass away in my sleep. It is a curse? Am I just plain stupid? It is just bad luck? Or am I constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time?…….who knows!!
I find life boring, and I seem to be able to predict my future in terms of my next level of failure. I can relate to you all very much indeed. Maybe if we all met up and put our collective failures togther we could jointly destroy the world without even trying.
The last seven years have left me exhausted, I only wish I knoew what to do next!!
November 25, 2008 at 2:43 pm
username1000
You have a great marriage, 2 kids, own your own home, and STILL consider yourself a failure? In my opinion, you need to change your definition of success!
November 25, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Smugallo
This s a great little site for venting frustrations.
I work in a fabrication factory working a machine, i won’t go into specifics. I’ve been there for several months, and am a time served operator of such machinery, recently though I have been making error after error and this has lead to several co-workers making comments like ‘don’t f**k that up now” and similar, sometimes harsher things, this does not help the situation in the slightest, and often leads to me making more mistakes. It seems to come in phases as well. Sometimes I think I’m completly useless, and such inner down-putting is not healthy for the mind at all…..
December 8, 2008 at 1:01 pm
New User
I can relate to this thread, my levels of failure are prolly attributable to “schizoid personality disorder”,
I’ll be fifty next year and dont really want to live beyond that age, I’m going to try and tidy things up in the next three months, write a will, and then try and get myself off world.
I just cant handle the desparate lonlieness of failure and inability to form relationships,
I have bad physical health and have also been abused by a doctor in hospital.
As a little kid I believed, but that started to dissapear, by the time I was in my teens I started to hate me,
A lot of stuff has happened since then that makes me so remote, I cant ever get back.
I’m so hated for being me
I cant take anymore
January 4, 2009 at 3:29 am
Follett
my dear friends… i relate to and commend you all for picking up the pen and elucidating your innermost feelings. that in and of itself is an accomplishment. like the saying goes ‘first we must admit we have a {alcoholic} problem lest we be dammed by it”. fact is, i have in my opinion blown almost every opportunity put before me due to a lack of gratitiude. i too had lots of cash (lots), once upon a time, made bad investments, particularly in 2008 and have as a result, been wiped out financially. i doubt that there is a lower low then being ashamed to go out because you can no longer afford a $25 dollar haircut. i’ve been on top and knocked down to my knees over and over again during my 40 years of life. when something good happens, it NEVER seems to stick (stay put). it always seems as though the good is neutralized (wiped out) by something bad. recently it occurred to me that perhaps i have set my expectations too high (unrealistically) for what life on this earth is all about. a sence of “well being” is all i think people want / need. where we look will determine whether we will be inevitably disappointed. a job will never give us a sence of well being, per se, because jobs come and go. we do not necessarily like or respect the people that we have to work with. work is not a place to look for “well being”. not everyone is an einstein that will make a great discovery. i have found that service to God (and our fellow man) is the only authentic reason for living. people unfortunatly are inherently sinful (flawed) and will let us down every time. that’s why we have to stop looking at the “world” for a sence of well being. asking Jesus into your heart as Lord and Savior is the first step because once you do that sincerely, the Holy Spirit will take it from there. it doesnt happen overnight. it requires a commitment from us to study his “ways” through the Bible. usually, for many, a relationship with God IS the last resort, because he/she has tried EVERYTHING else and feel they have come up empty. when people link their sucess to monetary or materialistic elements, all we need do is look at bernie madoff as a case study who is on his way to prison – in shame, or the many other wealthy individuals who have manipulated the system to subsidize their own personal comfort. and now i say “is that success”? sucess is living a life of virtue and simply doing the best you can. success (happiness) is not material. material things can be wiped out in 24 hours or less. john travolta who has more than one private jet lost his 16 year old son the other day, rest his soul. i think most parents, including travolta, would trade all of his wealth and “acccolades” for his son back. i would wager that he would be willing to live in a 3 bedroom apartment for the rest of his life in exchange for his son. i am sure he had quite a few dreams that were dashed the other day, just like that. i think our priorities are in the wrong place. we are not fuck ups. we are people that are seeking approval from “the world” and “the world” is not loyal. i know we all have to make a living but i bet if some of us were to volunteer an hour a week at a VA hospital or soup kitchen, we would feel very special in those contexts. i think our purpose here (on earth), more than the acqusition of wealth, even though that may sound like fun (yet futile), is to examine (work on) our hearts and thoughts (minds). mastery of the ten commandments is a good start. indeed that is a lifelong project. but however long we have down here to master it (virtue), we can be certain that it is a GOOD investment in ourselves and anyone that is fortunate enough to cross our paths moving forward, as we will be able to be a light and pick someone else up who might be feeling down. there are more people out there, frustrated, down and out then ever right now. $7 trillion dollars in wealth was wiped out in the stock market in 2008. we need at least a few people out there to be a light. God bless you all.
January 16, 2009 at 4:06 am
brainbreeze
just thought that i should share something i wrote this morning:
Have you ever felt like a dismal failure?
I know I do. Every single day that I come to work.
I’m counting down the seconds until you summon me into your office and instruct me to close the door. Then I sit on the sickly bright orange chair and wait for you to begin.
I wait for the rise in your volume, the deepening of your frown, and the sudden stabs from your stares .
It comes almost all at once. I have lost count of the number of times that you have exploded, but it never fails to catch me by surprise. Your ferocity and anger overwhelms and tears me to shreds.
I’m motionless, pinned down to my seat, and unable to meet your glare. I can only lose myself further into my mind and wait for your storm to pass.
And yet, I can only blame myself.
January 26, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Still_Seeking
I’m just a stupid college grad. I got my degree, it was in mathematics. It was hard, and is slightly technical, but I have no marketable skills whatsoever. I coasted through life. I never worked a job I didn’t like for long, relying on money from parents or financial aid or credit cards and loans to pay for a lifestyle that, while not all that extravagent, was way more than I could afford. Now I have debt. I worked a few easy student jobs, but they were lazy, easy, required nothing off me. It seems to me that I’m bright, but never in my whole life had to work for anything. Now i’m trying to adapt to the real world.
I have nothing.
I don’t know how to look for a job, friends always got me jobs in the past when I needed them. I rarely get interviews and when I do I don’t know what to tell them; that I have no experience working a job for more than a few months? that I have no practice doing anything even remotely difficult or reliable? that I really just want someone to take care of me and tell me what to do, like I’ve had in one form or another for all my life up to this point?
It got to the point where I nearly starved. I got a delivery job. But I hated it, I got sick constantly, it just failed. I failed. I couldn’t do it and quit on bad terms. I couldn’t even manage a highschool level job for long.
At this moment I’m reeling from a recent rejection. I was interviewing for a company recently that seemed to be the shining city on the hill in a sense. It felt perfect, technical work, great environment, they really invest in their employees. I felt like i could go there and learn what I needed to know. The interviews went so well, they were fun almost. I liked the people there, i liked my bosses, I liked the problems they posed to me and pretty much everything else about the company. They flew me to another country for a second interview. I felt I had it made. But in the end they couldn’t use me. They essentially told me that while I seemed bright enough, they didn’t have the time to hold my hand while I learned. That I would require too much time investment.
Kinda like I’m just a kid who needs his hand to be held through life.
And I don’t know what to do. Nothing in my life has ever indicated to me in any way that I’m worthwhile or a hardworker or worthy of a real job. I feel like a wimp, a child, someone protected and isolated and woefully underprepared to deal with the world. The strain of looking for a job for months on end has really devastated my life. I want to escape. I want to get out of this endless brutal… everything. Everything I’m experiencing recently just seems malicious and hateful towards me. I hate it. I just want to get out. I don’t know what to do.
January 31, 2009 at 4:25 am
cameron
Here’s my failures to add to the collective pot of misery:
Turning 50 next month and mostly what I see in the rearview mirror is regret piled up like a California freeway accident. In college I never had a clue what I wanted to major in and racked up class after class in different subjects until I went to a counselor and said what degree can I get out of here with – wound up with a do nothing business degree. As a “chubby” girl/woman I never had a single date in high school or college. After a series of go nowhere jobs, I finally joined the Navy in the late 80’s to “drown” my sorrow in at least some world exploration and maybe meet some guys. Finally had a few dates but mostly shrugged off sexual advances that were only intended to provide momentary pleasure for the opposite person. While stationed overseas (I was about 29 at this time) I actually hit an incredible low in my life when I slept with a guy who actually peed while we slept and then led me to believe I was the one who wet the bed. As an adult, college educated woman I actually had to stand at attention before my division officer as he told me I had to lose weight because I was a disgrace to the uniform. At the time I was 15 pounds over the military standards. I met my husband while going to aerobic class to lose weight. I married at 31 and we tried to have children when I was 35. The first was a miscarriage, the second was a trisomy 13, the third was a trisomy 18. I always supported abortion rights but never thought I was someone who would have one, needless to say two. I live without these lives but with their losses each and every day. When we thought we were going to have children my husband and I bought a house together with my parents to help with expenses and so they could help us raise and take care of the kids. We still share the same house but now that they are in their 80’s and I am taking care of them. My husband is a massage therapist so we have to have two incomes so I’m also working at whatever I can get. Our social network is non-existent. I wake up, somewhat reluctantly each day and try to find one good thing in the day, even if it’s just the smell of coffee or warm water on my hands. I believe in a higher power in the sense that everything is connected and forces drive and effect one another. I think I’m caught in an eddy. My parents bought a Sears Kenmore Freezer in 1967 and they let me have the box to play in. My idea of peace used to be the thought of sitting in a nice cool refrigerator, by myself, with the light on, and a gentle humming sound.
March 17, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Moke
I too feel like a failure. This is probably due to me actually being a failure. I can’t seem to get or hold a job. My wife, whom I loved dearly, left me. I’ve been diagnosed with an incurable disease. My parents are dead. My friends are few and far between, and my constant frustration at life has pushed them away through our conversations. There just doesn’t seem to be any point any more. Every attempt at a fresh start leads to additional failure. I’m broke and completely alone, despite once having a good deal of money and close friends. The worst part of it all is that most of this is my fault. A faulty human being who somehow manages to destroy anything good in his life. I’m 34. I hope that the future becomes better, but have lost any expectation for it. Life isn’t supposed to be like this, but sadly it is.
April 21, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Bretser
I offer a bit of consolation for you tired souls, you self-proclaimed failures.
It’s simply two words that you should heed, and that I live by.
“So what?!”
Say that to yourself after declaring your failures and condemning your actions as meaningless and lost. SO WHAT?
You’re a failure with no friends, money, life, dreams or goals. SO WHAT?
You can’t hold a job, get laid or hang on to money. SO WHAT?
At the end of the day, and when ALL is said and done, you will die like the billions and billions of others on this planet have. And, in a few years, you will be forgotten, like all the other billions have. IT WILL NOT MATTER what you did or didn’t do during your time here.
The only thing that matters, friends, is the NOW. It’s the present – it’s what’s currently going through your mind and what is currently on your plate.
The ramifications of failure are meaningless. Remember that. Success is only success to the successful, and after they cease to exist, their success dies with them.
EMBRACE YOUR FAILURES. You are a loser with nothing to show for yourself – SO WHAT!!
May 11, 2009 at 4:05 am
Kenny
No, im a failure. I had a really good government job. I had to take a few college courses and I failed both which they forced me to resign for. By now I would be rolling in a Lexus. I also have like 3700 worth of tickets, most of it is interest build up that i have been hesitating to pay cause i blow my money on dumb shit. I got in a wreck and almost killed my friends and i didnt have insurance. I hit a damn telephone pole, and I got sued by them cause they gave me a $7000 bill i could not pay cause i was 19 despite my government job. I was just irresponsible and an idiot. I have been through many jobs…and I had a good government job but it was seasonal now it’s over and im unemployed, my liscence is suspended because the tickets I stopped paying on and interest built up like I said before it totals $3700.00. My car has been reposessed too. I am just now realizing how much of a complete moron I was and it’s like…I wish I can just erase it all. My credit score is horrible now too…I mean I wish i could start over but I cant…it’s so bad and I really have learned my lesson, but these things stick with you. The only good thing is I am in college now. Im only 21 by the way and ive screwed up so much…
May 11, 2009 at 4:10 am
Kenny
Oh and im in college to become a Aeronautical Engineer, I love space so much and always wanted to build space ships. But it takes SOOO long, I have 4 more years to go.
June 2, 2009 at 8:11 am
Angel
I am a failure too. I lost my job, I have no idea what I want to do now. I was so happy when I got hired because I was unemployed for so so long. I was dreaming about paying all my bills, buying a lot of new clothes and all that… And now I am back to square one and I have to find something else. But what if I ll get fired again? What if I ll never will be able to keep a job?
June 4, 2009 at 7:32 am
Studio139
Dear friends,
Believe me I sympathize with your despair. The harsh reality is that if you
are middle aged you are likely to be treated as a failure in the making.
Employers hope to drive experienced staff out for short sighted economic
reasons. Not content with creating financial hardship they seem to need
to justify their actions by denigrating their victims before removing them.
Our society is made up of failures. We judge everything by a financial
standard. People don’t have friends, they have a network that benefits them,
those who have the most demand more, it is the dark side of capitalism.
The truth is our society is bad for your soul. No amount of material goods,
wealth or extended network of friends can fill the void of a life without
substance for the soul. We also have a false ideal about what life and success
are. We don’t want to admit that most people who are successful were in
part just lucky, or they had to sacrifice some part of their humanity to gain that
success, or both. We need to take a step back and examine our perception
again. In the natural world, if you are alive you are a success. A pine tree
does not compare itself to the oak tree down the grove. Wolves fight for territory
or mating privileges, but give up on survival if they do not win every contest.
We are forced into this state of perpetual failure because we live our lives so
far removed from the state of nature. I don’t have the answer about how to
thrive in this artificial environment. I do know it’s not your fault you feel this way.
We live longer, but in a society that despises old age and has no interest in history. Everyone is expected to be young, beautiful and wealthy. That is not
going to happen. We live in a society where people don’t want to work, even for
their own survival. Life is hard and difficult and ugly. Live for the moments of
beauty, value the good fortune you have had, when you had it. Compare your
life to that of the poor in a third world country, you may feel a little better.
If you have burned out, lost or never had a passion, then keep looking for one.
If you don’t find it, maybe that was your passion. The big one, find something
outside of yourself if you can’t find something within yourself.
I wish you all the best of luck and some measure of happiness.
July 19, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Pagani
Ditto Moke and cameron … well, except I just turned 54. I still have a FEW people telling me that I’m incredibly smart, full of potential. I’ve heard that most of my life – except when it really counted I guess. There was that teacher who told me that I was a retard and would never amount to anything.
Whomever was right, the reality is that everything I’ve ever touched has miraculously turned to shit. Everything. Even “couldn’t possibly fail” positions. Always something went wrong. Usually something completely out of my control.
So now I’m nearing the end of my life and I have nothing to look back on except a huge pile of failure upon failure. Nothing to show.
Dirt poor, sick with no health care and no possibility of getting that care. And of course I get told “but if we had universal healthcare it would be rationed!” Yeah, right… like it isn’t rationed NOW. If you don’t have money then your life isn’t worth anything. That’s the official doctrine of America. So much for the ’sanctity of life’ crap, hmm?
On the other hand, Bretser is right; ultimately we all end up the same worm food. If you aren’t Jesus or Hitler, nobody will even know you existed a hundred years from now whether you consider yourself a success or a failure. And either way, you won’t care.
It sucks but that is the reality of life. We’re all just turds waiting to be flushed. I guess it would have been nice to have some accomplishments of which to be proud – something to look back upon. But that didn’t happen for me.
I resent the fact that the world so clearly tells me I’m worthless because I don’t have money. I hate the fact that I live in a country where the size of your bank account dictates the value of your life. But I guess that, once again, that’s just the way it is. And most people either like or at least go along with that idea. Perhaps the fact that it will all be over soon is the best outcome possible under the circumstances.
August 12, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Sophie
Our network just crashed at work within the past week, and virtually all the files I worked tirelessly at securing in our drives for the past two years are completely corrupted and gone. Though it is not my fault and I do not work in our IT Dept., I actually shed tears about it yesterday, because two years of hard work is GONE, and there isn’t a way to easily recreate these files. I have never wanted to jump ship so badly. It was someone’s great idea to ask me to get started on repairing some of our Word docs from memory, since we try to be as paperless as possible, and many of these docs do not exist anywhere else. It’s almost comical, how things can unravel like this, with companies that have become dependent on technology. So much of this has been dumped on me to repair and I don’t know what to do. I feel a stone pressing down on my shoulders and chest, and while the pressure to help fix things increases, and time runs out to do other work that is piling up, the more I resist and procrastinate, and spend my time intermittently looking for jobs online.
But I don’t want another job like this either. Its completely uninteresting to me, and I don’t care anymore. Before the crash I woke up each morning, dreading to come here, but I do, because I like not being homeless. After the crash, I am hanging by a thread emotionally, trying desperately not to mentally unravel and slip into despair. It’s pathetic that I feel like this, considering the problems of the world, but I do.
September 24, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Hegde
Just give I am failure in google and see how many people search it. Many people feel that way. And I doubt if anyone would say he is happy in his job. What you need is the feeling is that OK I have to do a job for surviving and I will do it. And also as long as I am doing it, let me act as if I love it.
October 4, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Rob
I actually have a job I like, yet, I fail at it. I work long hours keeping the system running and have five people who report to me, but something slipped through the crack. My manager thinks I am lazy and incompetent, I am sure, and sent me an e-mail late on Friday that since I missed this deadline to discard some old equipment, again, that he is taking the next and final step of putting me on a performance improvement plan. I protested but he was gone for the weekend. I showed my wife the e-mail and she thinks I brought it on myself. I did. I could have worked a few more hours and made sure it was gone by the deadline.
My wife thinks I am a failure, too. She’s right too. I am not handy and can’t fix shit without screwing it up. Our children seemed to be doing ok as adults despite my failure. It is mostly because their mother has done a good job.
I was a bad son to my father. He didn’t speak to me for 10 years because I shared a secret about myself with him. It disappointed him. Before we could fully reconcile, he died suddenly.
I was a bad grandson. My paternal grandparents raised me from four years old to 21. I was a great disappointment, I think. I couldn’t bring myself to visit them often when each was in a nursing home. They didn’t recognise me.
My mother tells me I am spineless for not coming to live with her when she offered me the opportunities. Now she is terminally ill and living in France with her husband. He seems to be a very nice man.
My sister absolutely hates me and I most likely deserve it.
I think I should kill myself, but I would probably fuck it up and leave my wife and kids with a breathing corpse in a vegetative state to suck out their remaining life. I just sit here hoping for some event to occur that would kill me without harming another. I simply want to sleep and never wake up.
October 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm
username1000
Killing yourself is the Big Fail…no more failures after that, as far as we can tell. But you should cut yourself some slack, relax, and try again.
October 31, 2009 at 1:55 am
Blade
Well, like the others I found this blog by searching for others who’ve experienced what I call “extreme failure”. Due to circumstances (meaning uncles and cousins without morals; alchoholic father, abused, abusive and submissive mother) I started in a bit of let’s say, deficit. Okay, I used it as fuel (or so I would tell everyone for years until aging started taking over)…the fuel allowed me to:
-Finish 3 years of college and NOT get a degree.
-Have 16 jobs one year because I didn’t like 15 of them.
-Find a company and worked there for 10 years tirelessly, learned to sell like a son of a bitch.
-Started my own company and it’s still operating, but due to economic things and poor decisions preceding 2008, I’ve received no pay this year. –I would make more working a hot dog stand and I’ve earned over 250K per year, so let’s just say I was spoiled, stupid or both and it’s gone too.
-3 marriages so far and I’m 48, been married slightly less than 5, yes FIVE total years.
-Hired and fired most of my friends. Well I thought they were friends, they were in the vicinity when you worked 20 hour days for 20 years straight.
-Have/Had (never know what our status is) a 62 yo boyfriend who cannot commit and never will. In my mind, we’ve been together 7 years. He would say I’m on his list of close friends or something equally dismissive.
-I will be filing bankruptcy this month personally and will be closing the business.
-I’ve started a web business that sucked over 300K out of me personally in the last 24 months. Everyone placates me and says it’s a great site. Obviously not, it’s not making any $$$.
-My son died at 24 years old.
-I’m a bad daughter because simply I do not respect my mother’s choices and have turned out to be a real bitch because I don’t want to ever be dependent.
-I am days/weeks/month away from needing to ask for help in all kinds of ways.
And FINALLY, I will most likely be 63 and slobbering in my Lazyboy all alone and cannot even commit suicide right, because if I do now, after paying life insurance for all these years, the proceeds would simply be eaten up by all the debt. So I must wait for 2 years or so, just a tiny amount of time until the bankruptcy is finished and then I CAN and will.
You see I see it different. I see suicide as a choice, it is certainly one end of the spectrum and yet people do it, so it exists.
There is clearly no diety that I believe in, so my ability to find an opiate in religion is null and void by choice, intellect and reason.
So I sit alot. I lay alot. I still go to work but stare alot unable to perform anything except the most repetitive basic functions and I’ve become our best data entry clerk with no pay. While I deserve some of these things, some of them are simply what I’d call “piling on” and I’ve had enough. Not sure what to do. Of course I talk big about “recreating myself in 2010″ but that is not a viable option with no motivation.
Also, will not wacky anti depression shit…that is all just a sham and a catch all ICD-9 code for insurance companies to deny me future life insurance or health policies.
Kind of negative, huh. It’s my life and I hate it.
November 20, 2009 at 2:14 am
freespirit
I cant seem to get it right at work, i took the job because it is in a field i love, i love people, but i hate numbers, since i took the job
four months ago i have recently found out my manager is watching every move i make, i found out today she has been keeping a list of all of the mistakes i have been making, i talked to her today about it and she said she is non confrontational and i said i cant ifix anything if i dont know there is a problem…i dont know what is wrong with me, i think i am doing everything right and by the end of the day i find out i forget to do so many things,,,,,,i am ready to quit but i want to have another job before i do, since i am on my own now, i need to have a decent income, i feel so inadequate,,,, i know i am good with people and i cant seem to get this right.